Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Your princess is in another castle....

         You know love is quite an interesting feeling.  Sometimes it could be a good thing, something that warms your insides and makes you happy no matter what.  And other times love is a stupid thing that needs to not exist or just die off entirely.  

Throughout my lifetime I have experienced love or what I thought was love many times.  Each of these times I thought it was love cause I was happy and thought I could take on the world no matter what happened.  The first time was with this girl katie or katy or whatever.  Met her at MTAC 4 I think.  We dated for a whole month, talking and texting.  Thought everything was wonderful and great and then a few days into the next month I get an email saying she wants to break up with me and that she was seeing this guy a week before she wrote this and she only wrote this email because one of her friends told her she should.  Well that all ended quite well for my first girlfriend but whatever her loss I guess.....The next lady I dated was one of my close friends, we all called her "gelly".  This relationship also lasted a whole month, must be time limit for me and girls I guess, but yah.  The whole month once again I thought everything was going well and didn't think for a second that at the end of the month this one would also be over with.  Boy was I wrong...again.  The reason for this breakup was because she felt scared for me because she thought that she might just all of a sudden just leave me without telling me or something else.  So I didn't take it as bad as the last one.

And my final relationship we all know very well.  It was with a girl whom I still love very much.  She I also met at MTAC. This girl I found out dated one of my best friends before she dated me.  It didn't bother me any until I heard from this friend that he was willing to drive out to my house to beat my ass for dating his ex-girlfriend.  But eventually we made up and got over this particular situation.  This particular relationship was one that I hoped would last until the day I died cause the girl and I were into all the samethings and enjoyed a lot of things.  Sure we fought a lot and had our problems but that was nothing that we could not handle together.  She was one of those girls who if your day was the shittest day that it could ever be, I mean one of those days where live just says "Fuck you, your day is going to suck, haha", she will make it all disappear and make you feel like the day didn't matter cause she was going to be there at home when you got there and everything would be alright. Well we all know how this one ended. So I won't go into any detail.  I hear she's dating now which is...great....for her.  But I remember hearing somewhere that girls will never have to worry about a break up.  Sure they may be said for a few weeks or maybe a month after.  But that won't last long cause girls can quickly rebound into any guy.  Cause what can I say any guy nowadays will be happy with a girl who likes him cause that's how simple minded we are. This makes me understand why my best friend wanted to pretty much beat me to death for dating his ex-girlfriend.  I understand his feelings now.

So my love life as it seems just doesn't seem to last very long no matter how hard I try hence the princess is in another castle reference. This isn't exactly what I wanted to post but I let it sit in my mind for to long and I lost a lot of what I was going to write down. But yeah apparently these things sound sappy or whatever so I'll just stop here.  Good luck in life my friends, you can take what I have of mine cause mine is just false luck.

Happy Christmas to you guys.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Life begins with that first coin....

Let me warn a few of you out there.  This is what has truely been locked up inside my mind since I was a child so it might offend you or it might not.  But whatever this is my blog so this is what I want to post.

Let me start out with this.  Life without love is not a life worth living. And I don't mean love from a family; because you will always have that regardless of anything that happens in your life.  No the love I am talking about is the love of another person, that person will love you in return, be with you whenever you need them.  They will make the shittest days seem not so shitty and they will be the greatest person you will ever have in your life.

Now on to my post.  Lately over the past few months I have had a lot of time to do tons of thinking.  Over many things.  Whether it be the life I have right now and not knowing what I want to do with it.  Or the fact that I am very lonely(and no I don't do that thing if that's what you people are thinking).  I have gone through my life always on the boot end of someone whether it was my older sisters growing up.  Or always having to live up to peoples expectations and having to always do what they want to do to in order not to offend them or shame them at all.  Or life in general has always had it's proverbial boot in my ass or on top of me my whole life.  In case most of you who don't know, I have chrons disease and also for those who don't know what that means exactly its simply this.... .  I never knew I had the damn thing until around 2002 or 2003.  And ever since then it has made my life a living hell, super huge medical bills that my mom or me had to pay off....and when I mean huge I mean huge.   It makes eating very hard to do...even with the med's it isn't guaranteed that it will work.  And to top that off I can have flare ups at anytime the disease feels like it wants can range from a small little sharp pain to the feeling of your insides being on fire while being stabbed with a poison tipped knife. Also I am going bald at the ripe old age of 25, which is great for me *thumbs up*.  Also I still have really bad acne some times when i don't want it...I mean I should be old enough to where this shit should be gone.  Growing up as a kid I never had friends, all I had was a NES and myself to be with.  So that really didn't help my speech capabilities when I got older hence why I hate being around people and don't want to socialize.  To put it plainly I am very shy, can't change it, no doctors or psychiatrists can help either.  It's just something I live with day to day.  So yippy for me.  Also when I'm trying to be funny around people like that just there it's only because that's my self defense for being scared around anyone.

I am currently enrolled at Tennessee Tech Univ. I am still unsure what I want to do, I mean I like a few things here and there but I'm just not sure...and if certain people find out that I don't know what to do then they will freak out.  Don't get me wrong I really am glad that I'm back in school, I need to get this shit done and over with so I can get a decent job or something like that.  I have always had a hard time with school and being out of school since 2005 does have it's disadvantages.  But I am here schooling it up least I am trying.

Most time's my body gets overwhelmed with pain throughout and no type of pain medicine will work.  So I try to sleep and find out that doesn't work either so i just usually sit up on my laptop playing solitaire or listening to my ipod until i fall asleep, if that works..  And then when and if I do actually get to sleep I seem to be sleeping longer and longer each time, probably because the lack there of of sleep but, body it's not my fault its yours for being so god damn dumb.  Sleeping, it seems, is the only way I don't hurt constantly because as soon as I wake up I'm right back into the same boat as I was when I was before i fell asleep.  I don't know but whatever shit happens right?

I'm going to end this for now, so that way I have a reason to write another blog and maybe you will be back to read the next.  To all of those who read this and feel angry or upset at me or wonder why I don't say anything.  It's not your fault, it's just the way I grew up and i can't change it and I won't change it.  You might ask me after this if I am truly ok.  And I will say "yup I'm fine" and you will believe me because I won't say other wise.

Thank you everyone for your time.  And remember it will cost you another 25 cents to play again ^^.